The Power of One

One.
It’s a simple word, one syllable and three letters.
It’s a simple number, something singular.
And, it’s a simple concept.
Or, at least it can be.


It just takes one person to say yes and start changing things. One person to make moves and start making a difference. One person to give someone a chance, to have a little faith in someone’s idea, hell, to have a little faith in someone alone. It just takes one person to start a revolution, a protest, a rebellion, to take a stand and voice their opinion. Just one.

Unfortunately, more often that not, people just don't want too. People are scared to be that one, to go against the grain, to make themselves stand out, to bring a recognition themselves they did not have before.

Whoever that one person is has to be brave. It takes courage to make a difference. It takes courage to not let people’s opinions and judgements shape your life and the way you live it. You have to already know who you are what you stand for. You have to be okay to be handed rejection and be the receiver of harsh words and criticism as well as praise. But, just think of the difference that one person can make.

The music business is tough. I’m not one to sugarcoat things. If you want something sugarcoated, go find a doughnut. I’m honest. It’s hard. It’s even harder if you a woman, much less a 22 year old one. It’s hard when you are trying to book a benefit concert to give back. People are too greedy for their own good. Few are willing to give up their time to give back to something that led them to where they are today. And that, is sad and disappointing.

In one night, one group of people could make a difference. It just takes one venue to say yes to one person and one idea. This business is already hard enough but if people worked together it could be so much better.

Take a risk, consider this a challenger, be that one. If for no more than one hour, one day, one week, etc. give people a chance and the benefit of a doubt. Support someone’s idea even if you stand to gain nothing from it. Give back to what inspired you or led you to where you are today. Just make a difference, someway, somehow. Just start with one thing and work your way up from there.

The Music Business

I've been school what, 3 days, 4 today? I guess it says something about me when I can sit in my classes and look around and see 98% of my department failing. Hey, less competition in the long run I guess. Call me a bitch but hey, I'm just stating the facts.

I am SO TIRED of people doubting my knowledge or looking at me like I really don't know what I am talking about when I open my mouth in class. There is nothing you are learning in that classroom that can prepare you for the real music business, and I mean that. Everything I do for bands, I learned from my 2 internships in Nashville at Big Machine. The knowledge I gained there set me far ahead of the pack, and I love it.

I pretty much refuse, or have a really hard time, being friends with anyone in my department who doesn't really want this. I want this. I'm good at what I do and dammit, I know it and my teachers knows it. The self-control is takes for me not to launch across the room and throttle the dude who's like, " Yo, my best friend be T.I'S brother yo and he got me this internship waitin' on me yo." Well, that's super dee duper awesome for you, too bad I know you are lying though your damn teeth.

I'm not sorry for any amount of money, time, effort, anything I put forth in getting me to Nashville, being asked back, and going back. I'm not sorry that people are intimidated by that and, they are. I'm not trying to sound arrogant here but seriously, I know what I'm doing and I can size up someone and their desire and passion for this whole business in about 30 seconds. I can tell you who is going to be eaten alive and who's name you should jot down and remember because they're going places and I believe in them.

I love this business. I love songwriting so much I get giddy about the fact. I love hearing a song come in on a comp, being turned into a work tape, and then seeing it hopefully make the final cut for the album. I love getting bands and musicians I know names out there. I love promoting people I believe in. I love seeing that hunger in someone's eye, the eagerness to hit the road, to just make it by as long as they are getting to play out. In the same breath, I am not unaware of the dark side of the business and don't think it hasn't bit me in the ass once or twice. But, because I love, I keep going. You have to have a spin, you have to have thick skin, but most of all, you have to have heart.

Conan O'Brien said, " I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." HE'S RIGHT. I live my life by this quote everyday and I plan on keeping on.

Your Heart's Desire

"There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it." -- George Bernard Shaw


How do you view that quote? How can you interpret it?

If you gain everything you heart has ever wanted than you risk the pain and the fear of losing it. And what happens if you do lose it? Maybe you'll discover it wasn't really all you thought it was. Maybe you'll realize that something or someone you thought you couldn't live without was actually poisoning you more than it or they were ever curing you.

I've experienced my fair share of loss and as morbid as it may sound, I'm a far better person because of it. I owe a thank you to ever person who ever walked out of my life, who hurt me, who slammed a door in my face. They made my skin that much tougher and I am that much stronger all do to them. Just when you think you have found someone who can fix everything in your world, everything can change. And when that change happens, don't fight it, it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Gaining your heart's desire and losing it, both are scary ideas. Either way, the weight is heavy and you never know which way the scale will tip. You can have something that makes you feel so electric one second and the next, poof!, it's gone. I don't believe in wallowing. I believe it's often a waste of time and will simply exhaust you and rob you of energy you could put towards changing things around. However, I've wallowed when I thought I lost my heart's ultimate desire. Turns out, wasted wallowing, it was no where near worth it and I'm a better person for having lost it.

So, when you gain something appreciate it. When you lose something, let it go and be thankful that you had it for a little while. If it's meant to be in your life it will come back. I know you have heard that a thousand time but trust me, it's true.

Being Afraid

"There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it."

I'm afraid of not making a difference.
I'm afraid of giving my heart uncritically to someone again only to have it completely destroyed.
I'm afraid that the people I love and care about will never know how much they truly mean to me.
I'm afraid of dying alone.
I'm afraid of not giving enough.

I don't know if I'm so scared of getting burned again or if I'm scared of loving someone so completely and having them show me a complete disregard for everything I do for them and everything I am. I guess you could say I'm scared of letting myself lean on someone again.

I want to make a difference. Cheesy I know and how many people say that everyday but, I do. I want to make a change. I want to write something that matters to someone. I want to be involved with musicians who change lives, including my own. I want to set the world on fire. I want to break down barriers and challenge society. I want to promote peace and unity within society.

I always worry that my friends don't know just how much they mean to me. If we are friends, WE ARE FRIENDS and I'll go above and beyond for you. People always think I have ulterior motives because people are so cautious of genuinely nice people in today's world. I just want to be happy and for my friends to be happy and, if for some reason they are not, I can do whatever I can to change things around.

I don't understand how I can be so fiercely independent and yet be scared to die alone but, I am. I want to find that person whom I can love with my entire being, uncritically and passionately, and have them appreciate me and return every ounce of love back to me. Call me a hopeless dreamer, a wishful romantic but, I guess that's what I am deep down inside.

I want to give; I want to give myself, my efforts, my energy, etc to worthy causes and people. I want people to know they can count on me to be there for them and to have their backs. I will exhaust myself for my friends. I will exhaust myself for a cause that means something to me. If it matters than it's worth everything.

All of this is a motivation and a test. Motivation in the fact that it pushes me to make sure I am doing my best and being my best. A test of myself to let down my guard and try and let more people in, a test of trust if you will. Life doesn't put anything in front of you that you are unable to handle.

Quarter Sleeves!!

Granted I can't get them for a year and a half because of my arm surgery but still, a good girl plans ahead.

SLEEVE ONE: “Broken words come from healing hearts. Stitch me up, stitch me up, I’m ready to talk.”
**This is a definate for one arm complete with a tree resembling “The Giving Tree” and a weeping willow.

SLEEVE TWO OPTIONS:
1) “There is something to be said for the healing power of invisible breath.”
2) “I’m singing about Carolina, because I write songs for you.” (with dogwood flowers)
3) “With a writer’s sense of style, a guitar full of strings”
4) “Maybe things are better outside these walls”
5) “I’d rather be lost than have nowhere to go.” (with a compass and a map of some kind)
**The others I have no idea what I want image wise yet.

All in color. I'm not a black and white girl.
Your input is welcome. :D
Being super broke is going to be super awesome and super worth it.
As for the people who don't like this, deal. It's my body.

As The Beatles Said "HELP!"

I am an extremely independent person and rarely ask anyone's advice on how to do something. I usually just do it, like Nike.

However, I need some advice.

As you may or may not know, I am the black sheep of my family. I am also a trailblazer in that I am the 1st to get not one, but two tattoos. Both of my feet are tattooed and I did this so I could a) visually see them and b) keep them hidden when I needed too. I had told my Dad that my 2nd foot tattoo would be my last. Wellll........

I am getting 2 more tattoos. I am getting a quarter sleeve on my right arm in a year and a half (have to wait for surgery scars to heal) and now, I want 2 dogwood flowers either on my left shoulder, collarbone, or left ankle.

How do I tell my Dad? He is the only one who will have any resistance in the matter. I am fully aware that this is my body and this is what I want. I don't want them tomorrow because I have to heal first but, I still want them. Does that make sense?

Anyone? Anyone?
Any advice, comments, perspective would be awesome.

Thank you.

My Apologies

I know I haven't written much lately and for that, I am sorry. Writing has always come very naturally to me but, when I am in pain and overwhelmed I just shut down.

The last post I wrote was the night before a surgery that was supposed to be simple. 3 surgeries combined into 1 and taking no more than 3 hours to complete. 8 1/2 hours later, it was finally done. I have since had numerous allergic reactions to pain meds that have almost led to emergency room trips. You could save I've been a little preoccupied.

However, I'm finally starting to feel more like myself. I wish I could be more independent in getting ready (showering, dressing, etc) but when your biceps have been slit open and you abdomen, it's a little challenging. I can hardly raise my arms and for maybe 15-30 seconds at a time. The strength is just going to take awhile to come back.

But, it's done. I don't ever have to go through it again. Everyday, I am one step closer to being out of the compression wraps I have to wear for 4 weeks. Sporting these bloodstained LACE (ewwww) things at school is going to be HAWT. Whatever. I've never cared what people thought before, why start now?

It's just going to take some time and I am not known for being a patient person.

On a side note, how do I tell my Dad I am getting a half sleeve and another tattoo on either my left shoulder or my collarbone? I am not a fan of the whole doing it and then asking for forgiveness later bit but, I know his approval will never come. This is MY body and MY decision, I just don't want to disrespect him. Ideas? Suggestions? Comments? Help!

Round Trip

From NC to Wyoming and back again.
From my real home to my 2nd home and back.

Haven't much felt like writing, just reading a lot.

Surgery tomorrow at 8am. Maybe I'll feel like writing later in the week when I'm on house arrest.