I’ve been mulling this over in my head for a couple days, trying to think it all out before I put it out there for the world to see, and fellow straightedge people to judge me.
I am straightedge. I don’t drink, smoke, or use drugs. But, I wasn’t always that way. Yes, I’ve smoked a Marlboro Red or two, took sips of friends drinks at shows, and stayed true to myself by never doing drugs.
I didn’t become straightedge because I needed a family, an excuse, or a reason to tell myself why I abstained from this things. I didn’t need someone to keep me in check or a way to make more friends. I simply saw that some of the most influential people in my life were straightedge, all for very different reasons. So, I looked into it.
I became straightedge for me. I think it’s healthy and that’s exceedingly important to me considering my medical history. I would rather look out for my friends than be one of those girls you see at every party, the girl who is so trashed she’s half-naked and making a fool out of herself. You know exactly the girl I’m talking about. Yes, I know that I would stop drinking before I reached that point but, I like to have my wits about me, 100% of the time. I don’t need to drink to let loose or smoke to relieve my stress and anxiety.
I hate the militant ones, the straightedge kids who won’t associate with anyone who isn’t sober. The militant ones who judge people because they’ve decided to live their life differently. I’ve had friends tell me about people knocking drinks out of their hands, attacking them at shows, etc., all because they were partaking in non-straightedge activities. All they do is give every straightedge kid a bad name and a bad rep. I’m pretty nothing is gained by being hateful and judgmental towards someone who has chosen to live differently than you.
I have no problem with my friends drinking, smoking, and yes, I am even friends with people who do drugs. I love them all just the same. It’s their life and their body, we’ve just made different lifestyle choices. I don’t judge them for it. Why should I? They love me, they are there for me, they’re good people, and they’ve never wronged me.
I don’t understand the straightedge kids who shun their own if they break edge, but willingly hang out and associate with people who have never lived the straightedge lifestyle and never will. That’s called being hypocritical. You are turning your back on so-called “family” because they have decided to alter their lifestyle yet, you hang with people who get trashed on the regular. Explain that one to me, please. Isn’t the main part of friends and family to be supportive, no matter what? Again, what do you gain from shunning them? I mean, besides looking like a hypocritical ass.
Maybe I’m the one who sounds like a hypocrite but, I am sometimes almost ashamed to associate with the word “straightedge” because everyone assumes it to be one way. I’ve had people tell me they were shocked I liked to go to shows and parties because I chose to live a sober lifestyle. Being straightedge doesn’t mean I stopped living, I just live differently.
Does this whole thing have a sting of anger to it? Yes, it does. I’m embarrassed by the kids who give it a bad reputation, the ones who think they are so “hardcore” and “cool” because they have chosen the straightedge lifestyle. My John Wayne of a father doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs but he doesn’t run around telling people how much better he is because of it and he certainly doesn’t call himself straightedge. There are so many people who live a sober lifestyle that I don’t think I am any more special for doing it by calling it “living straightedge”, I’m just living.
10.28.2010
10.17.2010
Bullying
As of late, bullying has made quite an appearance in the news and seems to arise in everyday conversation for often than ever before. The reasoning for this? More and more kids are committing suicide due to being bullied. I hate that it has had to go to these great lengths for anyone to truly begin to notice how horrible it is.
Everyone I seem to know was bullied at some point in their life. Granted, I am friends with a very eclectic group of people which probably explains it. We were the “different” kids, the ones who were mercilessly mocked for thinking outside the box and waiting to go and be something beyond the average corporate world.
I was not bullied for my sexual orientation, my skin tone, my religious beliefs, or how I dressed. I was bullied for being outspoken, overweight due to medical issues, and being a farm kid, amongst many other reasons.
My middle school years were hell, pure hell. I dreaded waking up and going to school, would do anything to get out of certain classes, abhorred walking down the hallways or even having to visit my locker. Some people were friendly to my face, and then spread vicious, scarring, painful, brutal rumors behind my back.
Through all of it, my brother, his friends, my parents, my ponies, and our farm were my saving grace. My brother is 2 1/2 years old than me and the fact that he was involved with the football team and all the guys would speak to me in the halls and look out for me infuriated girls my age. They were jealous that these guys would notice “the fat freak” but would not acknowledge them. I was never interested in any of these guys, they were just my friends and they looked out for me. My brother has always been and will always be my best friend. My parents fought tooth and nail with the school, the school my brother attended grades Pre-K through 12 and I attended Pre-K through my 1st semester of 9th grade when I finally had to leave. I always knew I was safe when I came home. My ponies and my dogs could never hurt me.
I thought that high school would be different so, I went back. After one semester, I had to leave. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have made it. I found Salem Academy, an all girl’s school that initially I was mortified of attending because the majority of my tormentors had always been girls. Salem turned out to be a great place for me. They were compassionate and safe through all my health battles, everyone was weird, and we all knew it. No one was the same and for the most part, we all got along because of that fact. Most of us had sought out Salem because our middle school years were hell. We were all smart and different and strong. It was a great place and I will forever be indebted to it helping heal so many scars.
I still struggle with my female relationships. I still have insecurities and scars, and most likely always will. Bullying is real and painful and for some reason, people seem to be ashamed that they were victims. I have no problem talking to people about how painful it was, and the memories still are. Why? If it helps spread the message and brings attention to bullying, it’s painful affects, etc. I will do all I can to help. I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on my worst enemy and in my heart, I know karma will deal with my tormentors in the long run even if I’m not there to witness it.
Everyone I seem to know was bullied at some point in their life. Granted, I am friends with a very eclectic group of people which probably explains it. We were the “different” kids, the ones who were mercilessly mocked for thinking outside the box and waiting to go and be something beyond the average corporate world.
I was not bullied for my sexual orientation, my skin tone, my religious beliefs, or how I dressed. I was bullied for being outspoken, overweight due to medical issues, and being a farm kid, amongst many other reasons.
My middle school years were hell, pure hell. I dreaded waking up and going to school, would do anything to get out of certain classes, abhorred walking down the hallways or even having to visit my locker. Some people were friendly to my face, and then spread vicious, scarring, painful, brutal rumors behind my back.
Through all of it, my brother, his friends, my parents, my ponies, and our farm were my saving grace. My brother is 2 1/2 years old than me and the fact that he was involved with the football team and all the guys would speak to me in the halls and look out for me infuriated girls my age. They were jealous that these guys would notice “the fat freak” but would not acknowledge them. I was never interested in any of these guys, they were just my friends and they looked out for me. My brother has always been and will always be my best friend. My parents fought tooth and nail with the school, the school my brother attended grades Pre-K through 12 and I attended Pre-K through my 1st semester of 9th grade when I finally had to leave. I always knew I was safe when I came home. My ponies and my dogs could never hurt me.
I thought that high school would be different so, I went back. After one semester, I had to leave. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have made it. I found Salem Academy, an all girl’s school that initially I was mortified of attending because the majority of my tormentors had always been girls. Salem turned out to be a great place for me. They were compassionate and safe through all my health battles, everyone was weird, and we all knew it. No one was the same and for the most part, we all got along because of that fact. Most of us had sought out Salem because our middle school years were hell. We were all smart and different and strong. It was a great place and I will forever be indebted to it helping heal so many scars.
I still struggle with my female relationships. I still have insecurities and scars, and most likely always will. Bullying is real and painful and for some reason, people seem to be ashamed that they were victims. I have no problem talking to people about how painful it was, and the memories still are. Why? If it helps spread the message and brings attention to bullying, it’s painful affects, etc. I will do all I can to help. I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on my worst enemy and in my heart, I know karma will deal with my tormentors in the long run even if I’m not there to witness it.
10.04.2010
I know..
I know I haven't written here lately. But, I will again soon. Promise. I just don't have anything to say right now.
9.16.2010
My Sister
My sister is many things.
First and foremost, she’s not even biologically my sister. But, when I was 16 years old, she walked into my life and I was forever changed. I remember the day, it was fall because I was home from volleyball practice and had gone to the barn in my flip flops. Mom came through giving her a tour and fussed at me for wearing flip flops in the barn saying that if Tucker stepped on my foot and broke bones, my volleyball career would be over. My response? “Whatever Mom, it’s Tucker.” She stayed, moving into the house I currently occupy. She lived here for 3 years, and I have lived here for 3 years since she left, moving to PA to go to Penn State. In just over a week she will be moving back home. I could not be more thrilled.
My sister is many things.
She is a huge part of the person I am today. An influence of what I believe in, the music I listen too, my outtake on life. She taught me the art of appreciating a good tattoo. She taught me the art of telling someone to fuck off without ever really telling them. She introduced me to my all-time favorite book that changed my life. She is a large part of the reason I decided to not only be straightedge, but a vegetarian too. She helped my parents come around to the idea of tattoos and piercings so when I got them, they didn’t freak out as badly, knowing I would make sure my artist was the best. I could go on and on about all the ways she has been an amazing influence on my life.
My sister is many things.
Lover. Fighter. Strong. Compassionate. Quiet. Spontaneous. Adenturous. Well-read. Well-spoken. Vegetarian. Straightedge. Outspoken. Courageous. Fearless. Taylor Swift lover. Metal listener. Wise beyond her years. Beautiful.
My sister is many things.
But, most of all, she’s one of my best friends and I love her very much.
First and foremost, she’s not even biologically my sister. But, when I was 16 years old, she walked into my life and I was forever changed. I remember the day, it was fall because I was home from volleyball practice and had gone to the barn in my flip flops. Mom came through giving her a tour and fussed at me for wearing flip flops in the barn saying that if Tucker stepped on my foot and broke bones, my volleyball career would be over. My response? “Whatever Mom, it’s Tucker.” She stayed, moving into the house I currently occupy. She lived here for 3 years, and I have lived here for 3 years since she left, moving to PA to go to Penn State. In just over a week she will be moving back home. I could not be more thrilled.
My sister is many things.
She is a huge part of the person I am today. An influence of what I believe in, the music I listen too, my outtake on life. She taught me the art of appreciating a good tattoo. She taught me the art of telling someone to fuck off without ever really telling them. She introduced me to my all-time favorite book that changed my life. She is a large part of the reason I decided to not only be straightedge, but a vegetarian too. She helped my parents come around to the idea of tattoos and piercings so when I got them, they didn’t freak out as badly, knowing I would make sure my artist was the best. I could go on and on about all the ways she has been an amazing influence on my life.
My sister is many things.
Lover. Fighter. Strong. Compassionate. Quiet. Spontaneous. Adenturous. Well-read. Well-spoken. Vegetarian. Straightedge. Outspoken. Courageous. Fearless. Taylor Swift lover. Metal listener. Wise beyond her years. Beautiful.
My sister is many things.
But, most of all, she’s one of my best friends and I love her very much.
9.12.2010
100 Songs To Save Your Life
“All Been Said Before” - Matt Nathanson
“With A Little Help From My Friends” - The Beatles
“World Spins Madly On” - The Weepies
“Loose Threads” - Jonas Sees In Color
“Bridge Over Troubled Water” - Simon and Garfunkel
“How Lucky We Are” - Meiko
“Notion” - Kings of Leon
“Paranoia In B Major” - The Avett Brothers
“Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band” - The Beatles
“Salina” -The Avett Brothers
“Water On The Rise” - Jonas Sees In Color
“Raining On Sunday” - Keith Urban
“In The Curve” - The Avett Brothers
“Kick Drum Heart” - The Avett Brothers
“Laundry Room” - The Avett Brothers
“No One’s Gonna Love You” - Band of Horses
“All Your Life” - The Band Perry
“Vinyl Memories” -SHEL
“Come Together” - The Beatles
“If I Die Young” - The Band Perry
“For The Fences” -Jonas Sees In Color
“Let Your Love Flow” - The Bellamy Brothers
“100 Miles” - Blake Shelton
“Footloose” -Kenny Loggins
“Whiskey Lullaby” - Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss
“The Store” - Brenn Hill
“Charmer” -Kings of Leon
“Fans” - Kings of Leon
“Someday” - Bryan Greenberg
“Where You Lead I Will Follow” - Carole King
“London Calling” - The Clash
“Roped and Tied” - Codeseven
“Stand Tall” - Jonas Sees In Color
“Somewhere Over The Rainbow” - Jewel
“Pictures of You” - The Cure
“Grey Room” - Damien Rice
“I Believe In A Thing Called Love” - The Darkness
“Lie In Our Graves” - Dave Matthews Band
“Monument” - A Day To Remember
“My Last Name” - Dierks Bentley
“Free and Easy (Down The Road I Go)” - Dierks Bentley
“Up On The Ridge” - Dierks Bentley
“Wide Open Spaces” - The Dixie Chicks
“Can’t Help Falling In Love” - Elvis Presley
“Longer Gone” - Eric Church
“Your Hand In Mine” - Explosions In The Sky
“Lift Me Up” - Kate Voegele
“Extraordinary Machine” - Fiona Apple
“Home” -Foo Fighters
“Outside These Walls” -Jonas Sees In Color
“I’ve Got You Under My Skin” - Frank Sinatra
“I Cross My Heart” - George Strait
“Somewhere Down In Texas” - George Strait
“In The Mood” - Glenn Miller
“Johnny and June” - Heidi Newfield
“Far More” - The Honorary Title
“There, There Katie” - Jack’s Mannequin
“Dark Blue” - Jack’s Mannequin
“Into The Airwaves” - Jack’s Mannequin
“Carolina In My Mind” - James Taylor
“Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” - Jeff Buckley
“Goodbye Alice In Wonderland” -Jewel
“Hear You Me” - Jimmy Eat World
“Stupid Boy” - Keith Urban
“Closer” -Kings of Leon
“Sex On Fire” -Kings of Leon
“Revelry” - Kings of Leon
“I And Love And You” - The Avett Brothers
“Can’t You See” - The Marshall Tucker Band
“Answering Machine” - Matt Nathanson
“Still” - Matt Nathanson
“Wedding Dress”- Matt Nathanson
“The House That Built Me” - Miranda Lambert
“More Time” -Needtobreathe
“When You Come Back Down” - Nickel Creek
“When In Rome” - Nickel Creek
“The Lighthouse’s Tale” - Nickel Creek
“Dear Mr. President” - Pink
“Bohemian Rhapsody” -Queen
“Where My Line Is” -Rachel Williams
“Blitzkrieg Bop” -The Ramones
“Here Comes A Regular” - The Replacements
“Happy Trails” - Roy Rogers
“The Sound of Silence” - Simon and Garfunkel
“Cavanaugh Park” - Something Corporate
“Keep On Lovin’ You” - Steel Magnolia
“Love” -Sugarland
“Baby Girl” - Sugarland
“16th Avenue” - Sunny Sweeney
“Breathe” -Taylor Swift
“You Don’t Know How It Feels” -Tom Petty
“I’ll Love You Anyway” - Trent Wilmon
“Here” -Trent Wilmon
“Buddy Holly” - Weezer
“The End” - The Doors
“Leave The Pieces” - The Wreckers
“Missing You” -Tyler Hilton
“What’s Up” - 4 Non Blondes
“Look At You Girl” - Chris LeDoux
“Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)” - Garth Brooks
“With A Little Help From My Friends” - The Beatles
“World Spins Madly On” - The Weepies
“Loose Threads” - Jonas Sees In Color
“Bridge Over Troubled Water” - Simon and Garfunkel
“How Lucky We Are” - Meiko
“Notion” - Kings of Leon
“Paranoia In B Major” - The Avett Brothers
“Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band” - The Beatles
“Salina” -The Avett Brothers
“Water On The Rise” - Jonas Sees In Color
“Raining On Sunday” - Keith Urban
“In The Curve” - The Avett Brothers
“Kick Drum Heart” - The Avett Brothers
“Laundry Room” - The Avett Brothers
“No One’s Gonna Love You” - Band of Horses
“All Your Life” - The Band Perry
“Vinyl Memories” -SHEL
“Come Together” - The Beatles
“If I Die Young” - The Band Perry
“For The Fences” -Jonas Sees In Color
“Let Your Love Flow” - The Bellamy Brothers
“100 Miles” - Blake Shelton
“Footloose” -Kenny Loggins
“Whiskey Lullaby” - Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss
“The Store” - Brenn Hill
“Charmer” -Kings of Leon
“Fans” - Kings of Leon
“Someday” - Bryan Greenberg
“Where You Lead I Will Follow” - Carole King
“London Calling” - The Clash
“Roped and Tied” - Codeseven
“Stand Tall” - Jonas Sees In Color
“Somewhere Over The Rainbow” - Jewel
“Pictures of You” - The Cure
“Grey Room” - Damien Rice
“I Believe In A Thing Called Love” - The Darkness
“Lie In Our Graves” - Dave Matthews Band
“Monument” - A Day To Remember
“My Last Name” - Dierks Bentley
“Free and Easy (Down The Road I Go)” - Dierks Bentley
“Up On The Ridge” - Dierks Bentley
“Wide Open Spaces” - The Dixie Chicks
“Can’t Help Falling In Love” - Elvis Presley
“Longer Gone” - Eric Church
“Your Hand In Mine” - Explosions In The Sky
“Lift Me Up” - Kate Voegele
“Extraordinary Machine” - Fiona Apple
“Home” -Foo Fighters
“Outside These Walls” -Jonas Sees In Color
“I’ve Got You Under My Skin” - Frank Sinatra
“I Cross My Heart” - George Strait
“Somewhere Down In Texas” - George Strait
“In The Mood” - Glenn Miller
“Johnny and June” - Heidi Newfield
“Far More” - The Honorary Title
“There, There Katie” - Jack’s Mannequin
“Dark Blue” - Jack’s Mannequin
“Into The Airwaves” - Jack’s Mannequin
“Carolina In My Mind” - James Taylor
“Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” - Jeff Buckley
“Goodbye Alice In Wonderland” -Jewel
“Hear You Me” - Jimmy Eat World
“Stupid Boy” - Keith Urban
“Closer” -Kings of Leon
“Sex On Fire” -Kings of Leon
“Revelry” - Kings of Leon
“I And Love And You” - The Avett Brothers
“Can’t You See” - The Marshall Tucker Band
“Answering Machine” - Matt Nathanson
“Still” - Matt Nathanson
“Wedding Dress”- Matt Nathanson
“The House That Built Me” - Miranda Lambert
“More Time” -Needtobreathe
“When You Come Back Down” - Nickel Creek
“When In Rome” - Nickel Creek
“The Lighthouse’s Tale” - Nickel Creek
“Dear Mr. President” - Pink
“Bohemian Rhapsody” -Queen
“Where My Line Is” -Rachel Williams
“Blitzkrieg Bop” -The Ramones
“Here Comes A Regular” - The Replacements
“Happy Trails” - Roy Rogers
“The Sound of Silence” - Simon and Garfunkel
“Cavanaugh Park” - Something Corporate
“Keep On Lovin’ You” - Steel Magnolia
“Love” -Sugarland
“Baby Girl” - Sugarland
“16th Avenue” - Sunny Sweeney
“Breathe” -Taylor Swift
“You Don’t Know How It Feels” -Tom Petty
“I’ll Love You Anyway” - Trent Wilmon
“Here” -Trent Wilmon
“Buddy Holly” - Weezer
“The End” - The Doors
“Leave The Pieces” - The Wreckers
“Missing You” -Tyler Hilton
“What’s Up” - 4 Non Blondes
“Look At You Girl” - Chris LeDoux
“Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)” - Garth Brooks
9.11.2010
GTCC
GTCC,
You've made a smart girl who loves this business and loves music more than life, want to give up. You've made me want to quit. When I feel like I am constantly beating my head against a brick wall to graduate from a 2 year program, something is wrong. I have done 2 internships with an amazing label in Nashville. I have gone above and beyond any other student in that aspect. I was asked BACK to that label not once, but TWICE.
I have gone above and beyond for my department. I have put together Open Mic nights, brought in bands, tried to create a unity and a community among my department. I have exhausted myself trying to give back to a program who initially gave me so much.
I try and get my hand's on any kind of experience and exposure I can; shows, benefit concerts, organizing, planning, promoting, fundraising. I want this, I want this more than anyone. And, you have once again slammed me to the ground. You've made a girl who LOVES to learn hate 90% of her school. Are you proud?
Tonight, I was the recipient of one of the NASTIEST, most derogatory emails I have ever received in my life. It came from one of my teachers, a man who has never met me but refuses to cooperate with me post-op and in a nutshell, bullied me, spoke down to me in a derogatory fashion, and called me a liar. Not only will I be withdrawing from his class but, I am reporting him to the school board and meeting with the President of GTCC on the matter.
I give and I give and I give and I make Dean's List every semester, and this is how I'm treated. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship before and NO ONE will EVER be allowed to speak to me in that manner again, much less one of my teachers. A TEACHER, a person who is there to encourage me and to help me learn and become the very best version of myself so I can tackle the world head on. A TEACHER, just spoke to me like I was trash. That is completely inexcusable in my book, and it will be dealt with.
What's even worse about all of this? I don't feel like any of my other teachers or the head of my department would go to the mat for me on this one. In fact, I'm sure they wouldn't. I'm going to have to do it alone, which I'm perfectly used too. It takes one person to stand up and make a voice heard and guess what, that person is going to be me. I have exhausted myself for a program that won't fight for me, talk about feeling like you've been taken advantage of.
Change is going to happen. UNCG or somewhere else, something is going to give. I do not plan on walking at my graduation for GTCC, nor would I recommend it to anyone else. I'm ready to find a teacher and a school that lights a fire inside of me again. I have the friends and the support system, now I just need to finish my education.
You've made a smart girl who loves this business and loves music more than life, want to give up. You've made me want to quit. When I feel like I am constantly beating my head against a brick wall to graduate from a 2 year program, something is wrong. I have done 2 internships with an amazing label in Nashville. I have gone above and beyond any other student in that aspect. I was asked BACK to that label not once, but TWICE.
I have gone above and beyond for my department. I have put together Open Mic nights, brought in bands, tried to create a unity and a community among my department. I have exhausted myself trying to give back to a program who initially gave me so much.
I try and get my hand's on any kind of experience and exposure I can; shows, benefit concerts, organizing, planning, promoting, fundraising. I want this, I want this more than anyone. And, you have once again slammed me to the ground. You've made a girl who LOVES to learn hate 90% of her school. Are you proud?
Tonight, I was the recipient of one of the NASTIEST, most derogatory emails I have ever received in my life. It came from one of my teachers, a man who has never met me but refuses to cooperate with me post-op and in a nutshell, bullied me, spoke down to me in a derogatory fashion, and called me a liar. Not only will I be withdrawing from his class but, I am reporting him to the school board and meeting with the President of GTCC on the matter.
I give and I give and I give and I make Dean's List every semester, and this is how I'm treated. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship before and NO ONE will EVER be allowed to speak to me in that manner again, much less one of my teachers. A TEACHER, a person who is there to encourage me and to help me learn and become the very best version of myself so I can tackle the world head on. A TEACHER, just spoke to me like I was trash. That is completely inexcusable in my book, and it will be dealt with.
What's even worse about all of this? I don't feel like any of my other teachers or the head of my department would go to the mat for me on this one. In fact, I'm sure they wouldn't. I'm going to have to do it alone, which I'm perfectly used too. It takes one person to stand up and make a voice heard and guess what, that person is going to be me. I have exhausted myself for a program that won't fight for me, talk about feeling like you've been taken advantage of.
Change is going to happen. UNCG or somewhere else, something is going to give. I do not plan on walking at my graduation for GTCC, nor would I recommend it to anyone else. I'm ready to find a teacher and a school that lights a fire inside of me again. I have the friends and the support system, now I just need to finish my education.
9.04.2010
Shapes
"The rest of your life is a long time and whether you know it or not it's being shaped right now. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices or you can fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is but for the most part you get what you give. Let me ask you all a question. What's worse: not getting everything you wished for or getting it but finding out it's not enough? The rest of your life is being shaped right now with the dreams you chase, the choices you make and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time and the rest of your life starts right now."
8.31.2010
The Power of One
One.
It’s a simple word, one syllable and three letters.
It’s a simple number, something singular.
And, it’s a simple concept.
Or, at least it can be.
It just takes one person to say yes and start changing things. One person to make moves and start making a difference. One person to give someone a chance, to have a little faith in someone’s idea, hell, to have a little faith in someone alone. It just takes one person to start a revolution, a protest, a rebellion, to take a stand and voice their opinion. Just one.
Unfortunately, more often that not, people just don't want too. People are scared to be that one, to go against the grain, to make themselves stand out, to bring a recognition themselves they did not have before.
Whoever that one person is has to be brave. It takes courage to make a difference. It takes courage to not let people’s opinions and judgements shape your life and the way you live it. You have to already know who you are what you stand for. You have to be okay to be handed rejection and be the receiver of harsh words and criticism as well as praise. But, just think of the difference that one person can make.
The music business is tough. I’m not one to sugarcoat things. If you want something sugarcoated, go find a doughnut. I’m honest. It’s hard. It’s even harder if you a woman, much less a 22 year old one. It’s hard when you are trying to book a benefit concert to give back. People are too greedy for their own good. Few are willing to give up their time to give back to something that led them to where they are today. And that, is sad and disappointing.
In one night, one group of people could make a difference. It just takes one venue to say yes to one person and one idea. This business is already hard enough but if people worked together it could be so much better.
Take a risk, consider this a challenger, be that one. If for no more than one hour, one day, one week, etc. give people a chance and the benefit of a doubt. Support someone’s idea even if you stand to gain nothing from it. Give back to what inspired you or led you to where you are today. Just make a difference, someway, somehow. Just start with one thing and work your way up from there.
It’s a simple word, one syllable and three letters.
It’s a simple number, something singular.
And, it’s a simple concept.
Or, at least it can be.
It just takes one person to say yes and start changing things. One person to make moves and start making a difference. One person to give someone a chance, to have a little faith in someone’s idea, hell, to have a little faith in someone alone. It just takes one person to start a revolution, a protest, a rebellion, to take a stand and voice their opinion. Just one.
Unfortunately, more often that not, people just don't want too. People are scared to be that one, to go against the grain, to make themselves stand out, to bring a recognition themselves they did not have before.
Whoever that one person is has to be brave. It takes courage to make a difference. It takes courage to not let people’s opinions and judgements shape your life and the way you live it. You have to already know who you are what you stand for. You have to be okay to be handed rejection and be the receiver of harsh words and criticism as well as praise. But, just think of the difference that one person can make.
The music business is tough. I’m not one to sugarcoat things. If you want something sugarcoated, go find a doughnut. I’m honest. It’s hard. It’s even harder if you a woman, much less a 22 year old one. It’s hard when you are trying to book a benefit concert to give back. People are too greedy for their own good. Few are willing to give up their time to give back to something that led them to where they are today. And that, is sad and disappointing.
In one night, one group of people could make a difference. It just takes one venue to say yes to one person and one idea. This business is already hard enough but if people worked together it could be so much better.
Take a risk, consider this a challenger, be that one. If for no more than one hour, one day, one week, etc. give people a chance and the benefit of a doubt. Support someone’s idea even if you stand to gain nothing from it. Give back to what inspired you or led you to where you are today. Just make a difference, someway, somehow. Just start with one thing and work your way up from there.
8.26.2010
The Music Business
I've been school what, 3 days, 4 today? I guess it says something about me when I can sit in my classes and look around and see 98% of my department failing. Hey, less competition in the long run I guess. Call me a bitch but hey, I'm just stating the facts.
I am SO TIRED of people doubting my knowledge or looking at me like I really don't know what I am talking about when I open my mouth in class. There is nothing you are learning in that classroom that can prepare you for the real music business, and I mean that. Everything I do for bands, I learned from my 2 internships in Nashville at Big Machine. The knowledge I gained there set me far ahead of the pack, and I love it.
I pretty much refuse, or have a really hard time, being friends with anyone in my department who doesn't really want this. I want this. I'm good at what I do and dammit, I know it and my teachers knows it. The self-control is takes for me not to launch across the room and throttle the dude who's like, " Yo, my best friend be T.I'S brother yo and he got me this internship waitin' on me yo." Well, that's super dee duper awesome for you, too bad I know you are lying though your damn teeth.
I'm not sorry for any amount of money, time, effort, anything I put forth in getting me to Nashville, being asked back, and going back. I'm not sorry that people are intimidated by that and, they are. I'm not trying to sound arrogant here but seriously, I know what I'm doing and I can size up someone and their desire and passion for this whole business in about 30 seconds. I can tell you who is going to be eaten alive and who's name you should jot down and remember because they're going places and I believe in them.
I love this business. I love songwriting so much I get giddy about the fact. I love hearing a song come in on a comp, being turned into a work tape, and then seeing it hopefully make the final cut for the album. I love getting bands and musicians I know names out there. I love promoting people I believe in. I love seeing that hunger in someone's eye, the eagerness to hit the road, to just make it by as long as they are getting to play out. In the same breath, I am not unaware of the dark side of the business and don't think it hasn't bit me in the ass once or twice. But, because I love, I keep going. You have to have a spin, you have to have thick skin, but most of all, you have to have heart.
Conan O'Brien said, " I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." HE'S RIGHT. I live my life by this quote everyday and I plan on keeping on.
I am SO TIRED of people doubting my knowledge or looking at me like I really don't know what I am talking about when I open my mouth in class. There is nothing you are learning in that classroom that can prepare you for the real music business, and I mean that. Everything I do for bands, I learned from my 2 internships in Nashville at Big Machine. The knowledge I gained there set me far ahead of the pack, and I love it.
I pretty much refuse, or have a really hard time, being friends with anyone in my department who doesn't really want this. I want this. I'm good at what I do and dammit, I know it and my teachers knows it. The self-control is takes for me not to launch across the room and throttle the dude who's like, " Yo, my best friend be T.I'S brother yo and he got me this internship waitin' on me yo." Well, that's super dee duper awesome for you, too bad I know you are lying though your damn teeth.
I'm not sorry for any amount of money, time, effort, anything I put forth in getting me to Nashville, being asked back, and going back. I'm not sorry that people are intimidated by that and, they are. I'm not trying to sound arrogant here but seriously, I know what I'm doing and I can size up someone and their desire and passion for this whole business in about 30 seconds. I can tell you who is going to be eaten alive and who's name you should jot down and remember because they're going places and I believe in them.
I love this business. I love songwriting so much I get giddy about the fact. I love hearing a song come in on a comp, being turned into a work tape, and then seeing it hopefully make the final cut for the album. I love getting bands and musicians I know names out there. I love promoting people I believe in. I love seeing that hunger in someone's eye, the eagerness to hit the road, to just make it by as long as they are getting to play out. In the same breath, I am not unaware of the dark side of the business and don't think it hasn't bit me in the ass once or twice. But, because I love, I keep going. You have to have a spin, you have to have thick skin, but most of all, you have to have heart.
Conan O'Brien said, " I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." HE'S RIGHT. I live my life by this quote everyday and I plan on keeping on.
8.23.2010
Your Heart's Desire
"There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it." -- George Bernard Shaw
How do you view that quote? How can you interpret it?
If you gain everything you heart has ever wanted than you risk the pain and the fear of losing it. And what happens if you do lose it? Maybe you'll discover it wasn't really all you thought it was. Maybe you'll realize that something or someone you thought you couldn't live without was actually poisoning you more than it or they were ever curing you.
I've experienced my fair share of loss and as morbid as it may sound, I'm a far better person because of it. I owe a thank you to ever person who ever walked out of my life, who hurt me, who slammed a door in my face. They made my skin that much tougher and I am that much stronger all do to them. Just when you think you have found someone who can fix everything in your world, everything can change. And when that change happens, don't fight it, it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Gaining your heart's desire and losing it, both are scary ideas. Either way, the weight is heavy and you never know which way the scale will tip. You can have something that makes you feel so electric one second and the next, poof!, it's gone. I don't believe in wallowing. I believe it's often a waste of time and will simply exhaust you and rob you of energy you could put towards changing things around. However, I've wallowed when I thought I lost my heart's ultimate desire. Turns out, wasted wallowing, it was no where near worth it and I'm a better person for having lost it.
So, when you gain something appreciate it. When you lose something, let it go and be thankful that you had it for a little while. If it's meant to be in your life it will come back. I know you have heard that a thousand time but trust me, it's true.
How do you view that quote? How can you interpret it?
If you gain everything you heart has ever wanted than you risk the pain and the fear of losing it. And what happens if you do lose it? Maybe you'll discover it wasn't really all you thought it was. Maybe you'll realize that something or someone you thought you couldn't live without was actually poisoning you more than it or they were ever curing you.
I've experienced my fair share of loss and as morbid as it may sound, I'm a far better person because of it. I owe a thank you to ever person who ever walked out of my life, who hurt me, who slammed a door in my face. They made my skin that much tougher and I am that much stronger all do to them. Just when you think you have found someone who can fix everything in your world, everything can change. And when that change happens, don't fight it, it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Gaining your heart's desire and losing it, both are scary ideas. Either way, the weight is heavy and you never know which way the scale will tip. You can have something that makes you feel so electric one second and the next, poof!, it's gone. I don't believe in wallowing. I believe it's often a waste of time and will simply exhaust you and rob you of energy you could put towards changing things around. However, I've wallowed when I thought I lost my heart's ultimate desire. Turns out, wasted wallowing, it was no where near worth it and I'm a better person for having lost it.
So, when you gain something appreciate it. When you lose something, let it go and be thankful that you had it for a little while. If it's meant to be in your life it will come back. I know you have heard that a thousand time but trust me, it's true.
8.17.2010
Being Afraid
"There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it."
I'm afraid of not making a difference.
I'm afraid of giving my heart uncritically to someone again only to have it completely destroyed.
I'm afraid that the people I love and care about will never know how much they truly mean to me.
I'm afraid of dying alone.
I'm afraid of not giving enough.
I don't know if I'm so scared of getting burned again or if I'm scared of loving someone so completely and having them show me a complete disregard for everything I do for them and everything I am. I guess you could say I'm scared of letting myself lean on someone again.
I want to make a difference. Cheesy I know and how many people say that everyday but, I do. I want to make a change. I want to write something that matters to someone. I want to be involved with musicians who change lives, including my own. I want to set the world on fire. I want to break down barriers and challenge society. I want to promote peace and unity within society.
I always worry that my friends don't know just how much they mean to me. If we are friends, WE ARE FRIENDS and I'll go above and beyond for you. People always think I have ulterior motives because people are so cautious of genuinely nice people in today's world. I just want to be happy and for my friends to be happy and, if for some reason they are not, I can do whatever I can to change things around.
I don't understand how I can be so fiercely independent and yet be scared to die alone but, I am. I want to find that person whom I can love with my entire being, uncritically and passionately, and have them appreciate me and return every ounce of love back to me. Call me a hopeless dreamer, a wishful romantic but, I guess that's what I am deep down inside.
I want to give; I want to give myself, my efforts, my energy, etc to worthy causes and people. I want people to know they can count on me to be there for them and to have their backs. I will exhaust myself for my friends. I will exhaust myself for a cause that means something to me. If it matters than it's worth everything.
All of this is a motivation and a test. Motivation in the fact that it pushes me to make sure I am doing my best and being my best. A test of myself to let down my guard and try and let more people in, a test of trust if you will. Life doesn't put anything in front of you that you are unable to handle.
I'm afraid of not making a difference.
I'm afraid of giving my heart uncritically to someone again only to have it completely destroyed.
I'm afraid that the people I love and care about will never know how much they truly mean to me.
I'm afraid of dying alone.
I'm afraid of not giving enough.
I don't know if I'm so scared of getting burned again or if I'm scared of loving someone so completely and having them show me a complete disregard for everything I do for them and everything I am. I guess you could say I'm scared of letting myself lean on someone again.
I want to make a difference. Cheesy I know and how many people say that everyday but, I do. I want to make a change. I want to write something that matters to someone. I want to be involved with musicians who change lives, including my own. I want to set the world on fire. I want to break down barriers and challenge society. I want to promote peace and unity within society.
I always worry that my friends don't know just how much they mean to me. If we are friends, WE ARE FRIENDS and I'll go above and beyond for you. People always think I have ulterior motives because people are so cautious of genuinely nice people in today's world. I just want to be happy and for my friends to be happy and, if for some reason they are not, I can do whatever I can to change things around.
I don't understand how I can be so fiercely independent and yet be scared to die alone but, I am. I want to find that person whom I can love with my entire being, uncritically and passionately, and have them appreciate me and return every ounce of love back to me. Call me a hopeless dreamer, a wishful romantic but, I guess that's what I am deep down inside.
I want to give; I want to give myself, my efforts, my energy, etc to worthy causes and people. I want people to know they can count on me to be there for them and to have their backs. I will exhaust myself for my friends. I will exhaust myself for a cause that means something to me. If it matters than it's worth everything.
All of this is a motivation and a test. Motivation in the fact that it pushes me to make sure I am doing my best and being my best. A test of myself to let down my guard and try and let more people in, a test of trust if you will. Life doesn't put anything in front of you that you are unable to handle.
8.14.2010
Quarter Sleeves!!
Granted I can't get them for a year and a half because of my arm surgery but still, a good girl plans ahead.
SLEEVE ONE: “Broken words come from healing hearts. Stitch me up, stitch me up, I’m ready to talk.”
**This is a definate for one arm complete with a tree resembling “The Giving Tree” and a weeping willow.
SLEEVE TWO OPTIONS:
1) “There is something to be said for the healing power of invisible breath.”
2) “I’m singing about Carolina, because I write songs for you.” (with dogwood flowers)
3) “With a writer’s sense of style, a guitar full of strings”
4) “Maybe things are better outside these walls”
5) “I’d rather be lost than have nowhere to go.” (with a compass and a map of some kind)
**The others I have no idea what I want image wise yet.
All in color. I'm not a black and white girl.
Your input is welcome. :D
Being super broke is going to be super awesome and super worth it.
As for the people who don't like this, deal. It's my body.
SLEEVE ONE: “Broken words come from healing hearts. Stitch me up, stitch me up, I’m ready to talk.”
**This is a definate for one arm complete with a tree resembling “The Giving Tree” and a weeping willow.
SLEEVE TWO OPTIONS:
1) “There is something to be said for the healing power of invisible breath.”
2) “I’m singing about Carolina, because I write songs for you.” (with dogwood flowers)
3) “With a writer’s sense of style, a guitar full of strings”
4) “Maybe things are better outside these walls”
5) “I’d rather be lost than have nowhere to go.” (with a compass and a map of some kind)
**The others I have no idea what I want image wise yet.
All in color. I'm not a black and white girl.
Your input is welcome. :D
Being super broke is going to be super awesome and super worth it.
As for the people who don't like this, deal. It's my body.
8.12.2010
As The Beatles Said "HELP!"
I am an extremely independent person and rarely ask anyone's advice on how to do something. I usually just do it, like Nike.
However, I need some advice.
As you may or may not know, I am the black sheep of my family. I am also a trailblazer in that I am the 1st to get not one, but two tattoos. Both of my feet are tattooed and I did this so I could a) visually see them and b) keep them hidden when I needed too. I had told my Dad that my 2nd foot tattoo would be my last. Wellll........
I am getting 2 more tattoos. I am getting a quarter sleeve on my right arm in a year and a half (have to wait for surgery scars to heal) and now, I want 2 dogwood flowers either on my left shoulder, collarbone, or left ankle.
How do I tell my Dad? He is the only one who will have any resistance in the matter. I am fully aware that this is my body and this is what I want. I don't want them tomorrow because I have to heal first but, I still want them. Does that make sense?
Anyone? Anyone?
Any advice, comments, perspective would be awesome.
Thank you.
However, I need some advice.
As you may or may not know, I am the black sheep of my family. I am also a trailblazer in that I am the 1st to get not one, but two tattoos. Both of my feet are tattooed and I did this so I could a) visually see them and b) keep them hidden when I needed too. I had told my Dad that my 2nd foot tattoo would be my last. Wellll........
I am getting 2 more tattoos. I am getting a quarter sleeve on my right arm in a year and a half (have to wait for surgery scars to heal) and now, I want 2 dogwood flowers either on my left shoulder, collarbone, or left ankle.
How do I tell my Dad? He is the only one who will have any resistance in the matter. I am fully aware that this is my body and this is what I want. I don't want them tomorrow because I have to heal first but, I still want them. Does that make sense?
Anyone? Anyone?
Any advice, comments, perspective would be awesome.
Thank you.
My Apologies
I know I haven't written much lately and for that, I am sorry. Writing has always come very naturally to me but, when I am in pain and overwhelmed I just shut down.
The last post I wrote was the night before a surgery that was supposed to be simple. 3 surgeries combined into 1 and taking no more than 3 hours to complete. 8 1/2 hours later, it was finally done. I have since had numerous allergic reactions to pain meds that have almost led to emergency room trips. You could save I've been a little preoccupied.
However, I'm finally starting to feel more like myself. I wish I could be more independent in getting ready (showering, dressing, etc) but when your biceps have been slit open and you abdomen, it's a little challenging. I can hardly raise my arms and for maybe 15-30 seconds at a time. The strength is just going to take awhile to come back.
But, it's done. I don't ever have to go through it again. Everyday, I am one step closer to being out of the compression wraps I have to wear for 4 weeks. Sporting these bloodstained LACE (ewwww) things at school is going to be HAWT. Whatever. I've never cared what people thought before, why start now?
It's just going to take some time and I am not known for being a patient person.
On a side note, how do I tell my Dad I am getting a half sleeve and another tattoo on either my left shoulder or my collarbone? I am not a fan of the whole doing it and then asking for forgiveness later bit but, I know his approval will never come. This is MY body and MY decision, I just don't want to disrespect him. Ideas? Suggestions? Comments? Help!
The last post I wrote was the night before a surgery that was supposed to be simple. 3 surgeries combined into 1 and taking no more than 3 hours to complete. 8 1/2 hours later, it was finally done. I have since had numerous allergic reactions to pain meds that have almost led to emergency room trips. You could save I've been a little preoccupied.
However, I'm finally starting to feel more like myself. I wish I could be more independent in getting ready (showering, dressing, etc) but when your biceps have been slit open and you abdomen, it's a little challenging. I can hardly raise my arms and for maybe 15-30 seconds at a time. The strength is just going to take awhile to come back.
But, it's done. I don't ever have to go through it again. Everyday, I am one step closer to being out of the compression wraps I have to wear for 4 weeks. Sporting these bloodstained LACE (ewwww) things at school is going to be HAWT. Whatever. I've never cared what people thought before, why start now?
It's just going to take some time and I am not known for being a patient person.
On a side note, how do I tell my Dad I am getting a half sleeve and another tattoo on either my left shoulder or my collarbone? I am not a fan of the whole doing it and then asking for forgiveness later bit but, I know his approval will never come. This is MY body and MY decision, I just don't want to disrespect him. Ideas? Suggestions? Comments? Help!
8.02.2010
Round Trip
From NC to Wyoming and back again.
From my real home to my 2nd home and back.
Haven't much felt like writing, just reading a lot.
Surgery tomorrow at 8am. Maybe I'll feel like writing later in the week when I'm on house arrest.
From my real home to my 2nd home and back.
Haven't much felt like writing, just reading a lot.
Surgery tomorrow at 8am. Maybe I'll feel like writing later in the week when I'm on house arrest.
7.23.2010
Guilt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yRYAgP_vTI
I have watched this video 3 times. I can barely stand to watch it and when I do, I cry every time. Me, a person who NEVER cries, bawls openly and honestly. Considering it contains some of my favorite people ever you may be asking, "Why?" Well, I'll tell you.
Sometimes in life something or someone just hits you, it's as if they were placed right in front of you at a point in your life when you needed it most. One of those times that makes me believe in karma even more.
I spontaneously agreed to go to a music festival. I am rarely spontaneous but have been trying to be more so this year. I got a speeding ticket on the way there. I wasn't exactly in a great mood, wasn't sure I wanted to go, and BAM, there was this group of people. There I was surrounded by sorority girls and frat boys in a metal shirt, skinny jeans, and Vans, feeling more out of place than ever, sitting with Rachel changing the strings on my guitar amongst drunk preps, and I look to my left and there is a band playing guitar at their merch table, not a care in the world, in their own world, just having a blast. Sometimes, people really do come into your life for a reason and at the right moment.
When I met JSIC I was going through a pretty tough time in my life trying to separate myself from a certain group of people I had relied on for quite awhile. I felt very defeated and I was burnt out. I felt alone in my passion for things and could not find a person, an artist, an author, a band, or a friend to that inspired me. Well, until that day.
JSIC's accident was almost 2 weeks ago and it had really stuck with me. Now, I know it has not effected/affected/changed me like it has them but still, it's something that is constantly in my mind. When I look at the accident footage, I feel guilty. The last words I said to a dear friend of mine were, "I hate you." Completely in a joking manner but looking back, no one else would known that. They, and he, never let on to how bad the accident really was. I mean, I knew it was bad (hello, they flipped 3 times and totaled everything) but, for some reason I had no idea just *how close* I had come to losing them.
They have never taken advantage of my generosity and some days, I wish they would. I owe them. Their friendship and their music has taught me a lot about myself and has allowed me to shed myself of some very bad habits in the form of some bad people. I cannot say enough amazing things about them as friends (first and foremost), artists, musicians, and professionals. They say true friends are the ones who know everything about you and like you just the same and that's exactly how it is. I would never dare use them, offend them, sell them out, gossip about them, etc. They are my friends.
People can think what they want, say what they want, and assume what they want. I've rarely been one to let other's opinions shape or define me; only the one's of the people that truly matter.
I owe them. Plain and simple. And I couldn't be more thankful for that music festival and that day. Here's hoping for many, many more.
I have watched this video 3 times. I can barely stand to watch it and when I do, I cry every time. Me, a person who NEVER cries, bawls openly and honestly. Considering it contains some of my favorite people ever you may be asking, "Why?" Well, I'll tell you.
Sometimes in life something or someone just hits you, it's as if they were placed right in front of you at a point in your life when you needed it most. One of those times that makes me believe in karma even more.
I spontaneously agreed to go to a music festival. I am rarely spontaneous but have been trying to be more so this year. I got a speeding ticket on the way there. I wasn't exactly in a great mood, wasn't sure I wanted to go, and BAM, there was this group of people. There I was surrounded by sorority girls and frat boys in a metal shirt, skinny jeans, and Vans, feeling more out of place than ever, sitting with Rachel changing the strings on my guitar amongst drunk preps, and I look to my left and there is a band playing guitar at their merch table, not a care in the world, in their own world, just having a blast. Sometimes, people really do come into your life for a reason and at the right moment.
When I met JSIC I was going through a pretty tough time in my life trying to separate myself from a certain group of people I had relied on for quite awhile. I felt very defeated and I was burnt out. I felt alone in my passion for things and could not find a person, an artist, an author, a band, or a friend to that inspired me. Well, until that day.
JSIC's accident was almost 2 weeks ago and it had really stuck with me. Now, I know it has not effected/affected/changed me like it has them but still, it's something that is constantly in my mind. When I look at the accident footage, I feel guilty. The last words I said to a dear friend of mine were, "I hate you." Completely in a joking manner but looking back, no one else would known that. They, and he, never let on to how bad the accident really was. I mean, I knew it was bad (hello, they flipped 3 times and totaled everything) but, for some reason I had no idea just *how close* I had come to losing them.
They have never taken advantage of my generosity and some days, I wish they would. I owe them. Their friendship and their music has taught me a lot about myself and has allowed me to shed myself of some very bad habits in the form of some bad people. I cannot say enough amazing things about them as friends (first and foremost), artists, musicians, and professionals. They say true friends are the ones who know everything about you and like you just the same and that's exactly how it is. I would never dare use them, offend them, sell them out, gossip about them, etc. They are my friends.
People can think what they want, say what they want, and assume what they want. I've rarely been one to let other's opinions shape or define me; only the one's of the people that truly matter.
I owe them. Plain and simple. And I couldn't be more thankful for that music festival and that day. Here's hoping for many, many more.
7.22.2010
25 Things
1. I am extremely OCD...about how I eat my candy. To the degree that each candy has it’s own “eating pattern”, Skittles one way, M&M’s another. I also don’t like that many different kinds of candy.
2. I think flannel is better than a boyfriend 98% of the time.
3. I will be deaf when I’m 50 because I don’t wear ear protection when I go to shows or band practice. When that day comes though, I’ll proudly sport some hearing aids.
4. I am not a fan of whip cream but will eat frozen Cool Whip right out of the container by the spoonful.
5. When I am sitting in a restaurant and I see people shove giant grilled cheese sandwiches or bread in their mouth, my resentment level rises a little bit. If you don’t have severe food allergies you wouldn’t understand.
6. Along with the previous note, I am supposed to carry an Epi-Pen with me at all times but it hasn’t left my kitchen cabinet since I got it.
7. I have REALLY weird nicknames for some of my friends. Hungry Hippo? Bananas? These are product of many an insomnia-filled night/coffee-overdose day.
8. If I don’t write at least once a day, even just a couple sentences, I feel like my whole chi gets thrown off.
9. When Keith Urban pops up on my I-pod I usually skip the song. I have a tattoo in his dedication and he is my number one musical influence and still, skip. I only like to listen to him on long road trips because I think his albums are like a story. Plus, his CD’s do him no justice. He is 40 bajillion times better live.
10. I can quote Gilmore Girls, all 7 seasons, word for word. No shame.
11. I am the perfect picture of a Gemini. I live by myself and love my quiet time but I am also extremely outgoing when I am around people. There has to be a balance between the 2 or I get burnt out, and fast.
12. My 2 favorite movies of all time are “Footloose” and “Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory”. I’ve always wanted an 80’s prom with Oompa Loompas. Next 2? “A River Runs Through It” and “Legends of The Fall”.
13. My grandmother wanted me to be a debutante. Me, Mary McCashin, a deb. Hah!
14. Sometimes I seriously wonder how I existed before some people came into my life.
15. I eat a super healthy diet but consume MASSIVE amounts of unsweet tea and coffee. I don’t think the surgeon general would approve.
16. I am a vegetarian and allergic to gluten but when I am sick, I ALWAYS crave a Wendy’s #1 Combo. Never eat it, always crave it.
17. I can never see myself driving anything but a Jeep.
18. Breakfast foods are my favorite foods. Seriously, I love an epic omelet with about half a bottle of Texas Pete.
19. If I talk to someone on the phone chances are they are on speaker phone. I hate holding a phone up to my ear.
20. I’m a very awkward winker.
21. Chewing gum disgusts me. Texture, how people look doing it, etc. Ew.
22. I have never played beer pong and never will.
23. I LOVE brushing and flossing my teeth. I’m certain it’s past of the point of being healthy.
24. My guitar cost me $25 and has a slightly warped next. I will have it until the day I die however.
25. I know the Yale University fight song by heart. No member of my family and no friends of mine have ever attended Yale but, I know it. I often sing it randomly while cleaning my house.
2. I think flannel is better than a boyfriend 98% of the time.
3. I will be deaf when I’m 50 because I don’t wear ear protection when I go to shows or band practice. When that day comes though, I’ll proudly sport some hearing aids.
4. I am not a fan of whip cream but will eat frozen Cool Whip right out of the container by the spoonful.
5. When I am sitting in a restaurant and I see people shove giant grilled cheese sandwiches or bread in their mouth, my resentment level rises a little bit. If you don’t have severe food allergies you wouldn’t understand.
6. Along with the previous note, I am supposed to carry an Epi-Pen with me at all times but it hasn’t left my kitchen cabinet since I got it.
7. I have REALLY weird nicknames for some of my friends. Hungry Hippo? Bananas? These are product of many an insomnia-filled night/coffee-overdose day.
8. If I don’t write at least once a day, even just a couple sentences, I feel like my whole chi gets thrown off.
9. When Keith Urban pops up on my I-pod I usually skip the song. I have a tattoo in his dedication and he is my number one musical influence and still, skip. I only like to listen to him on long road trips because I think his albums are like a story. Plus, his CD’s do him no justice. He is 40 bajillion times better live.
10. I can quote Gilmore Girls, all 7 seasons, word for word. No shame.
11. I am the perfect picture of a Gemini. I live by myself and love my quiet time but I am also extremely outgoing when I am around people. There has to be a balance between the 2 or I get burnt out, and fast.
12. My 2 favorite movies of all time are “Footloose” and “Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory”. I’ve always wanted an 80’s prom with Oompa Loompas. Next 2? “A River Runs Through It” and “Legends of The Fall”.
13. My grandmother wanted me to be a debutante. Me, Mary McCashin, a deb. Hah!
14. Sometimes I seriously wonder how I existed before some people came into my life.
15. I eat a super healthy diet but consume MASSIVE amounts of unsweet tea and coffee. I don’t think the surgeon general would approve.
16. I am a vegetarian and allergic to gluten but when I am sick, I ALWAYS crave a Wendy’s #1 Combo. Never eat it, always crave it.
17. I can never see myself driving anything but a Jeep.
18. Breakfast foods are my favorite foods. Seriously, I love an epic omelet with about half a bottle of Texas Pete.
19. If I talk to someone on the phone chances are they are on speaker phone. I hate holding a phone up to my ear.
20. I’m a very awkward winker.
21. Chewing gum disgusts me. Texture, how people look doing it, etc. Ew.
22. I have never played beer pong and never will.
23. I LOVE brushing and flossing my teeth. I’m certain it’s past of the point of being healthy.
24. My guitar cost me $25 and has a slightly warped next. I will have it until the day I die however.
25. I know the Yale University fight song by heart. No member of my family and no friends of mine have ever attended Yale but, I know it. I often sing it randomly while cleaning my house.
7.20.2010
Rediscovery
Upon late I have been fortunate enough to fall back in love with, or dare I say rediscover, things that I gave up last year. I gave them up for a person who is no longer in my life and never seemed to appreciate all I sacrificed for them. This involved working out, my animals, riding, writing to a degree, and definitely reading.
Lately I have been going back through books that shaped me, characters that I saw reflections of myself in, and authors I admired. I have also been inspired by friends to explore new authors and new great works of art that I am not sure how I previously missed out upon. How did some of them slip through the cracks?
I go through phases in what I read; music, rock n' roll history, autobiography, and now, the classics. I am revisiting the books that inspired authors of today, who's legacy lives on daily in high schools, colleges, and households across America. Those old books that have that fantastic mildew-like smell when you check them out of the library. These books, are the classics and hopefully a new foundation of which to build some of my writing on.
It' been amazing going back to running in our back 100 acres with my dog, riding my horses, never feeling rushed. I am surrounded by friends who are positive, loving, and rarely anything but happy. And, they know how to exercise the two greatest words in the English language, "thank you".
I can't believe I stayed so unhappy for so long. Shame on me for all that lost time and cheers to me for making it up now.
Lately I have been going back through books that shaped me, characters that I saw reflections of myself in, and authors I admired. I have also been inspired by friends to explore new authors and new great works of art that I am not sure how I previously missed out upon. How did some of them slip through the cracks?
I go through phases in what I read; music, rock n' roll history, autobiography, and now, the classics. I am revisiting the books that inspired authors of today, who's legacy lives on daily in high schools, colleges, and households across America. Those old books that have that fantastic mildew-like smell when you check them out of the library. These books, are the classics and hopefully a new foundation of which to build some of my writing on.
It' been amazing going back to running in our back 100 acres with my dog, riding my horses, never feeling rushed. I am surrounded by friends who are positive, loving, and rarely anything but happy. And, they know how to exercise the two greatest words in the English language, "thank you".
I can't believe I stayed so unhappy for so long. Shame on me for all that lost time and cheers to me for making it up now.
7.17.2010
Appreciation
Last night I was fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of one of my favorite things, appreciation and being appreciated.
With all that has happened with JSIC people keep thanking me for doing all I have done. I do appreciate the thanks but my response is that it is nothing that they wouldn't do for me and it's what friends are supposed to do for one another.
Last night, they agreed.
It's an awesome feeling to know that people have your back and appreciate you. The word "thank you", when said with sincerity, is one of the most gratifying phrases to my ears.
If I had done the same thing for another band and another person, I think we all know who I'm talking about, it not only wouldn't have been appreciated, it never would have been good enough. I would have exhausted myself and it would have never been worthy of his time.
Now, that is no longer the case and it fills me with an incredible amount of happiness that this has finally come into my life and, regret that I suffered through the other for so long.
I'm just really pleased with all that is happening in my life and the people that are in my life. I hope it continues. There's something to this whole being happy business.
With all that has happened with JSIC people keep thanking me for doing all I have done. I do appreciate the thanks but my response is that it is nothing that they wouldn't do for me and it's what friends are supposed to do for one another.
Last night, they agreed.
It's an awesome feeling to know that people have your back and appreciate you. The word "thank you", when said with sincerity, is one of the most gratifying phrases to my ears.
If I had done the same thing for another band and another person, I think we all know who I'm talking about, it not only wouldn't have been appreciated, it never would have been good enough. I would have exhausted myself and it would have never been worthy of his time.
Now, that is no longer the case and it fills me with an incredible amount of happiness that this has finally come into my life and, regret that I suffered through the other for so long.
I'm just really pleased with all that is happening in my life and the people that are in my life. I hope it continues. There's something to this whole being happy business.
Happy
I'm that kind of happy where you are so happy you can't possibly imagine anything bad happening or any negativity entering your life.
7.13.2010
Blessed
I've been using a certain word a lot lately.
Blessed.
Formally, I have always associated this word with church, a place that does not bring happiness to my mind. I can't remember the last time I was in church, I think sometime when I was in high school. As many people know, or may not know, when I became sick the church turned it's back on me and I was hurt and became very bitter and angry. I have avoided friend's weddings because I can't be inside of a church. I have adopted beliefs in karma and Buddhism to a degree but in my mind, Christianity is not an option and will never be again. Not saying I'm not friends with religious people because I am, it's just the way I have chosen to live my life.
But, blessed.
This word has come out of my mouth more times in the past 3 days than it has in a very long time. With JSIC's accident and realizing how truly precious some people are too me and how fleeting life can be. I was forced to think when the last time I had told them how much they meant to me and had things turned out horribly wrong, would they have known how much I cared. Describing the fact that they were spared and that no one was seriously injured is a hard one. "Lucky" just doesn't seem to do the situation justice despite my Irish roots. Karma was truly looking out for people who deserved it. A band so selfless in their being that they chose to continue on bruised, battered, and facing monumental loss (both financially and physically).
I am blessed. I am grateful. I am lucky. I am fortunate. This accident and my friends have helped me realize these things in the past couple of days. "Blessed" seems to be the words that fits the most. Life knew that many people, including myself, could not have handled had anything happened to such a tremendous group of people. I sincerely could not have taken that shattering loss in my life right now and karma and the universe knew.
So, for now, I'm okay using this word "blessed". It brings a peace to my mind.
Blessed.
Formally, I have always associated this word with church, a place that does not bring happiness to my mind. I can't remember the last time I was in church, I think sometime when I was in high school. As many people know, or may not know, when I became sick the church turned it's back on me and I was hurt and became very bitter and angry. I have avoided friend's weddings because I can't be inside of a church. I have adopted beliefs in karma and Buddhism to a degree but in my mind, Christianity is not an option and will never be again. Not saying I'm not friends with religious people because I am, it's just the way I have chosen to live my life.
But, blessed.
This word has come out of my mouth more times in the past 3 days than it has in a very long time. With JSIC's accident and realizing how truly precious some people are too me and how fleeting life can be. I was forced to think when the last time I had told them how much they meant to me and had things turned out horribly wrong, would they have known how much I cared. Describing the fact that they were spared and that no one was seriously injured is a hard one. "Lucky" just doesn't seem to do the situation justice despite my Irish roots. Karma was truly looking out for people who deserved it. A band so selfless in their being that they chose to continue on bruised, battered, and facing monumental loss (both financially and physically).
I am blessed. I am grateful. I am lucky. I am fortunate. This accident and my friends have helped me realize these things in the past couple of days. "Blessed" seems to be the words that fits the most. Life knew that many people, including myself, could not have handled had anything happened to such a tremendous group of people. I sincerely could not have taken that shattering loss in my life right now and karma and the universe knew.
So, for now, I'm okay using this word "blessed". It brings a peace to my mind.
Exhaust Yourself
"Find life experiences and swallow them whole. Travel. Meet many people. Go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. Try everything. Exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life." - Lawrence K. Fish
By far on of my favorite quotations, if not my favorite.
I think the trait of loyalty in a person is one of the most under-appreciated things these days. Few people are loyal anymore; loyal to friends, loyal to companies, etc. My family raised me to be a loyal person. Whether it was being loyal to a vet, a company we used in our Tack Shop, or an employee who had been with us for years.
I am loyal one. I will go above and beyond for my friends, exhausting myself for them, both in good times and bad. This whole ordeal with JSiC being in the accident has really put some things in perspective for me. Our friend Colt, their merch guy, said, “The things we commonly worry about are not important, they are a drop in the ocean. I have just now realized this.” Well said Colt Weaver, well said.
When you are a loyal person or people realize just how loyal you are, they are often cautious and taken aback as this is not a common trait amongst people in our society anymore.
I will exhaust myself for them. I will do anything in my power to help them raise the money they need, over $30,000, and I will be there for them through the duration and beyond. It's what friends are supposed to do. It's my duty, it's my LOYALTY , it's my job, not only as a fan, but as a friend to do this for them. They have earned it, they deserve it, and I know that they will appreciate it.
Loyalty is an admirable quality and one of my favorite ones in a person. I wish more people would exercise it, much less come to know the meaning of it.
By far on of my favorite quotations, if not my favorite.
I think the trait of loyalty in a person is one of the most under-appreciated things these days. Few people are loyal anymore; loyal to friends, loyal to companies, etc. My family raised me to be a loyal person. Whether it was being loyal to a vet, a company we used in our Tack Shop, or an employee who had been with us for years.
I am loyal one. I will go above and beyond for my friends, exhausting myself for them, both in good times and bad. This whole ordeal with JSiC being in the accident has really put some things in perspective for me. Our friend Colt, their merch guy, said, “The things we commonly worry about are not important, they are a drop in the ocean. I have just now realized this.” Well said Colt Weaver, well said.
When you are a loyal person or people realize just how loyal you are, they are often cautious and taken aback as this is not a common trait amongst people in our society anymore.
I will exhaust myself for them. I will do anything in my power to help them raise the money they need, over $30,000, and I will be there for them through the duration and beyond. It's what friends are supposed to do. It's my duty, it's my LOYALTY , it's my job, not only as a fan, but as a friend to do this for them. They have earned it, they deserve it, and I know that they will appreciate it.
Loyalty is an admirable quality and one of my favorite ones in a person. I wish more people would exercise it, much less come to know the meaning of it.
Please Help JSiC
http://donatejsic.blogspot.com/
There is the link.
Please, please help my friends out. They are completely overwhelmed and the loss is monumental. We need to raise about $30,000 all the while they are paying to rent a U-Haul to stay out on the road.
Anything and everything would be greatly appreciated.
There is the link.
Please, please help my friends out. They are completely overwhelmed and the loss is monumental. We need to raise about $30,000 all the while they are paying to rent a U-Haul to stay out on the road.
Anything and everything would be greatly appreciated.
7.11.2010
One Class Act
"We are still going to finish this tour. Why? BECAUSE WE ARE STILL ALIVE- AND THIS IS WHAT WE LIVE FOR."
I am brought to tears by my friends' dedication to their music and their fans.
This is EXACTLY why we are friends. That passion that makes me love life and feel so alive, they choose to live their life the same way.
They are classy and selfless and amaze me. There aren't enough words to describe how professional they are.
If you aren't a fan of Jonas Sees In Color, you'd better be now. No other band, no other artist would continue on with their heads held high for 3 more days, a few days break, and then another long stretch.
I am speechless.
I am brought to tears by my friends' dedication to their music and their fans.
This is EXACTLY why we are friends. That passion that makes me love life and feel so alive, they choose to live their life the same way.
They are classy and selfless and amaze me. There aren't enough words to describe how professional they are.
If you aren't a fan of Jonas Sees In Color, you'd better be now. No other band, no other artist would continue on with their heads held high for 3 more days, a few days break, and then another long stretch.
I am speechless.
Water On The Rise
The old men say the sea is not forgiving,
That she aches for the living with an
Eternal belly that swallowed her soul.
They say he heard a voice that came from the sky
And it told him what to do to survive,
So he took his axe to the cypress and oak.
He dug the bark and ripped the leaves
That turned poison into air to breathe
And he didn't stop until he'd built a boat.
I was standing on a mountaintop
And I stood still until I saw the water on the rise.
I watched as the buildings fell;
I had so much to say and no one to tell.
I thought of you as his ship went by.
I was the highest point of the planet Earth
But lower than I'd ever been before.
I caught his eye and I saw him smile.
I tried to understand what he'd done.
I weighed what he'd been given
Against what he'd given up.
He gave up everything for love.
As the gulls creaked a hymn,
He washed his hands of salt and sin,
And prayed for the water to get shallow.
He kept his fingers on his pulse
To keep his mind off all he'd lost.
He chose the rosary;
I chose the gallows.
Because I'd rather be gone than stay here alone
And have the whole wide world
With nowhere to call home.
I'd rather be lost than have nowhere to go.
I tried to understand what he'd done.
I weighed what he'd been given
Against what he'd given up.
I'd give up everything for love.
I'd rip the globe at the seams.
I'd let the whole world fall in the sea
If I thought it'd bring you closer to me.
I would rip the globe.
That she aches for the living with an
Eternal belly that swallowed her soul.
They say he heard a voice that came from the sky
And it told him what to do to survive,
So he took his axe to the cypress and oak.
He dug the bark and ripped the leaves
That turned poison into air to breathe
And he didn't stop until he'd built a boat.
I was standing on a mountaintop
And I stood still until I saw the water on the rise.
I watched as the buildings fell;
I had so much to say and no one to tell.
I thought of you as his ship went by.
I was the highest point of the planet Earth
But lower than I'd ever been before.
I caught his eye and I saw him smile.
I tried to understand what he'd done.
I weighed what he'd been given
Against what he'd given up.
He gave up everything for love.
As the gulls creaked a hymn,
He washed his hands of salt and sin,
And prayed for the water to get shallow.
He kept his fingers on his pulse
To keep his mind off all he'd lost.
He chose the rosary;
I chose the gallows.
Because I'd rather be gone than stay here alone
And have the whole wide world
With nowhere to call home.
I'd rather be lost than have nowhere to go.
I tried to understand what he'd done.
I weighed what he'd been given
Against what he'd given up.
I'd give up everything for love.
I'd rip the globe at the seams.
I'd let the whole world fall in the sea
If I thought it'd bring you closer to me.
I would rip the globe.
The Worst Wake-up Call
This morning I awoke to the news that my good friends, the band Jonas Sees In Color, had been in a terrible car accident last night. On tour, en route to Chicago they swerved to miss a broken down car on the road and flipped their 12 passenger van and trailer full of gear three times. They landed upside down. I may not be a religious person but, it is a true miracle that they all walked away. No broken bones, just bloody and bruised.
After the waves of panic and anxiety came a breath of relief. Yes, I am overwhelmed and upset that this happened to them but, they are okay. These people are dear friends of mine and in the short time they have been in my life they have given me so much, not only as musicians but also as friends.
So today I encourage you to do this, tell a friend how much they mean to you. It can be 1 person or 5, just tell them. You can tell them how much they mean to you, that you love them, how talented they are; the whole point is to just let them know you care.
I am beyond grateful my friends are okay and I know that their positive attitudes will help carry them through this. Please keep them in your thoughts though as they do need all the continued support they can get.
After the waves of panic and anxiety came a breath of relief. Yes, I am overwhelmed and upset that this happened to them but, they are okay. These people are dear friends of mine and in the short time they have been in my life they have given me so much, not only as musicians but also as friends.
So today I encourage you to do this, tell a friend how much they mean to you. It can be 1 person or 5, just tell them. You can tell them how much they mean to you, that you love them, how talented they are; the whole point is to just let them know you care.
I am beyond grateful my friends are okay and I know that their positive attitudes will help carry them through this. Please keep them in your thoughts though as they do need all the continued support they can get.
7.10.2010
Travel
My urge, want, and need to travel is growing. Yes, I want to be home and ride my ponies and be a farm kid but, in the same breathe, I feel that I need to go and travel and explore the world some. I wish that was even remotely financially possible. To go and smell new smells and experience places I have never been. To take midnight walks in cities I have never been, drink coffee, swim in faraway oceans, stand where Napoleon stood.
I want to take one, or several, of my artistic friends who will appreciate the beauty, inspiration, freedom, and rejuvenation I am searching for and longing for. I find that these people would encourage me and bring out the best. I want to go out to French nightclubs and hear loud French pop music that makes so sense to me but yet maybe, will inspire me.
I don’t want to seem selfish in my want to go and be free and experience new life but, I feel like there are times in my life when I need to be selfish.
Maybe if it’s even just taking a road trip with my friends, sometimes I think that would be enough. It would be enough to tide me over at least.
I want to take one, or several, of my artistic friends who will appreciate the beauty, inspiration, freedom, and rejuvenation I am searching for and longing for. I find that these people would encourage me and bring out the best. I want to go out to French nightclubs and hear loud French pop music that makes so sense to me but yet maybe, will inspire me.
I don’t want to seem selfish in my want to go and be free and experience new life but, I feel like there are times in my life when I need to be selfish.
Maybe if it’s even just taking a road trip with my friends, sometimes I think that would be enough. It would be enough to tide me over at least.
A New Beginning
This my mind on paper. It is a place for my family and friends to check in with me since I hate to talk on the phone and when I have 5 minutes to myself, I often like to keep it that way.
First and foremost, I am a writer. I hold nothing back. I curse like a sailor. I make my political and religious views known.
Secondly, it is guaranteed there will be things going on in my life that I do not post here because some of my business will always remain mine and mine alone. I have no room in my life for drama and so, shall it unfortunately enter my life, it will not enter this blog.
I am complicated and simple in the same breath. I am no person but my own. Tattoos, green hair, and an old soul.
I may write daily, weekly, or this may be my first and very last post. Only time will tell. This, is a new beginning.
First and foremost, I am a writer. I hold nothing back. I curse like a sailor. I make my political and religious views known.
Secondly, it is guaranteed there will be things going on in my life that I do not post here because some of my business will always remain mine and mine alone. I have no room in my life for drama and so, shall it unfortunately enter my life, it will not enter this blog.
I am complicated and simple in the same breath. I am no person but my own. Tattoos, green hair, and an old soul.
I may write daily, weekly, or this may be my first and very last post. Only time will tell. This, is a new beginning.
25 Albums
1) Matt Nathanson- At The Point (Live)
2) Keith Urban- Love, Pain, and The Whole Crazy Thing
3) Kings of Leon- Only By The Night
4) The Avett Brothers- I And Love And You
5) The Beatles- Abbey Road
6) A Day To Remember- For Those Who Have Heart
7) Eric Church- Carolina
8) Foo Fighters- Echoes, Silence, Patience, & Grace
9) Frank Sinatra - Classic Sinatra
10) Jack’s Mannequin- Everything In Transit
11) My Hero Is Me- Helen of Troy
12) Jewel- Goodbye Alice In Wonderland
13) The Demonstration- Accidents With Intelligence
14) Dierks Bentley- Up On The Ridge
15) Jonas Sees In Color- Jonas Sees In Color
16) Maylene & The Sons of Disaster - III
17) Meiko- Meiko
18) Miranda Lambert- Revolution
19) Simon & Garfunkel - Best of Simon & Garfunkel
20) The Wreckers- Stand Still, Look Pretty
21) Sugarland- Twice The Speed Of Life
22) The Beatles- Sergent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
23) The Avett Brothers- Emotionalism
24) Matt Nathanson- Some Mad Hope
25) Kings of Leon- Youth & Young Manhood
2) Keith Urban- Love, Pain, and The Whole Crazy Thing
3) Kings of Leon- Only By The Night
4) The Avett Brothers- I And Love And You
5) The Beatles- Abbey Road
6) A Day To Remember- For Those Who Have Heart
7) Eric Church- Carolina
8) Foo Fighters- Echoes, Silence, Patience, & Grace
9) Frank Sinatra - Classic Sinatra
10) Jack’s Mannequin- Everything In Transit
11) My Hero Is Me- Helen of Troy
12) Jewel- Goodbye Alice In Wonderland
13) The Demonstration- Accidents With Intelligence
14) Dierks Bentley- Up On The Ridge
15) Jonas Sees In Color- Jonas Sees In Color
16) Maylene & The Sons of Disaster - III
17) Meiko- Meiko
18) Miranda Lambert- Revolution
19) Simon & Garfunkel - Best of Simon & Garfunkel
20) The Wreckers- Stand Still, Look Pretty
21) Sugarland- Twice The Speed Of Life
22) The Beatles- Sergent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
23) The Avett Brothers- Emotionalism
24) Matt Nathanson- Some Mad Hope
25) Kings of Leon- Youth & Young Manhood
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