Blessed

I've been using a certain word a lot lately.

Blessed.

Formally, I have always associated this word with church, a place that does not bring happiness to my mind. I can't remember the last time I was in church, I think sometime when I was in high school. As many people know, or may not know, when I became sick the church turned it's back on me and I was hurt and became very bitter and angry. I have avoided friend's weddings because I can't be inside of a church. I have adopted beliefs in karma and Buddhism to a degree but in my mind, Christianity is not an option and will never be again. Not saying I'm not friends with religious people because I am, it's just the way I have chosen to live my life.

But, blessed.

This word has come out of my mouth more times in the past 3 days than it has in a very long time. With JSIC's accident and realizing how truly precious some people are too me and how fleeting life can be. I was forced to think when the last time I had told them how much they meant to me and had things turned out horribly wrong, would they have known how much I cared. Describing the fact that they were spared and that no one was seriously injured is a hard one. "Lucky" just doesn't seem to do the situation justice despite my Irish roots. Karma was truly looking out for people who deserved it. A band so selfless in their being that they chose to continue on bruised, battered, and facing monumental loss (both financially and physically).

I am blessed. I am grateful. I am lucky. I am fortunate. This accident and my friends have helped me realize these things in the past couple of days. "Blessed" seems to be the words that fits the most. Life knew that many people, including myself, could not have handled had anything happened to such a tremendous group of people. I sincerely could not have taken that shattering loss in my life right now and karma and the universe knew.

So, for now, I'm okay using this word "blessed". It brings a peace to my mind.