Guilt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yRYAgP_vTI

I have watched this video 3 times. I can barely stand to watch it and when I do, I cry every time. Me, a person who NEVER cries, bawls openly and honestly. Considering it contains some of my favorite people ever you may be asking, "Why?" Well, I'll tell you.

Sometimes in life something or someone just hits you, it's as if they were placed right in front of you at a point in your life when you needed it most. One of those times that makes me believe in karma even more.

I spontaneously agreed to go to a music festival. I am rarely spontaneous but have been trying to be more so this year. I got a speeding ticket on the way there. I wasn't exactly in a great mood, wasn't sure I wanted to go, and BAM, there was this group of people. There I was surrounded by sorority girls and frat boys in a metal shirt, skinny jeans, and Vans, feeling more out of place than ever, sitting with Rachel changing the strings on my guitar amongst drunk preps, and I look to my left and there is a band playing guitar at their merch table, not a care in the world, in their own world, just having a blast. Sometimes, people really do come into your life for a reason and at the right moment.

When I met JSIC I was going through a pretty tough time in my life trying to separate myself from a certain group of people I had relied on for quite awhile. I felt very defeated and I was burnt out. I felt alone in my passion for things and could not find a person, an artist, an author, a band, or a friend to that inspired me. Well, until that day.

JSIC's accident was almost 2 weeks ago and it had really stuck with me. Now, I know it has not effected/affected/changed me like it has them but still, it's something that is constantly in my mind. When I look at the accident footage, I feel guilty. The last words I said to a dear friend of mine were, "I hate you." Completely in a joking manner but looking back, no one else would known that. They, and he, never let on to how bad the accident really was. I mean, I knew it was bad (hello, they flipped 3 times and totaled everything) but, for some reason I had no idea just *how close* I had come to losing them.

They have never taken advantage of my generosity and some days, I wish they would. I owe them. Their friendship and their music has taught me a lot about myself and has allowed me to shed myself of some very bad habits in the form of some bad people. I cannot say enough amazing things about them as friends (first and foremost), artists, musicians, and professionals. They say true friends are the ones who know everything about you and like you just the same and that's exactly how it is. I would never dare use them, offend them, sell them out, gossip about them, etc. They are my friends.

People can think what they want, say what they want, and assume what they want. I've rarely been one to let other's opinions shape or define me; only the one's of the people that truly matter.

I owe them. Plain and simple. And I couldn't be more thankful for that music festival and that day. Here's hoping for many, many more.